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It’s Monday morning, the alarm goes off but you can barely roll out of bed. Finally, you shrug off your blankets, and walk down the hall to wake your kids for the start of a new week. Even though they’re only in elementary school, you can see the dark circles under their eyes, and when you tell them it’s time to get ready for the day, they groan and ask if they can stay home.
Should you let your children skip school for mental health days? According to experts, the answer is not a simple yes or no.
What is a mental health day, anyway?
“It’s important that we really define what we mean by a ‘mental health day,’ ” says Joshua Klapow, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist. “The term is used so widely for adults and it can mean anything from feeling tired and needing to sleep in, to feeling stressed and needing time away from the office, to dealing with a non-work situation (like divorce or a sick relative).”
It’s all of those things, and more. Merriam-Webster defines it as a day that an employee takes off from work in order to relieve stress or renew vitality. Traditionally, it’s a term that’s been used for adults only—the assumption being that school puts less mental pressure on kids than the average work day.
These past few years, thanks to the global COVID-19 pandemic, children have experienced more stress and anxiety about school than ever. So much so, that they might need to take days off to help. It’s important to understand the unique stressors of the year, and how to recognize the signs that your child needs a mental break.
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Why should students get mental health days off from school?
Children experience worry, anxiety, and fear just like adults—and on top of that, the daily routines that structured their lives before the COVID-19 pandemic may still be somewhat disrupted. Young children, especially, may struggle to process all of this change they’ve had to endure, according to the World Health Organization. They may be grieving missed birthday parties, class field trips, life milestones, or going on a yearly family vacation.
While it’s still too early to know the true impact of COVID-19 on children’s mental health, one study conducted in China concludes that children experienced increased anxiety and depression during the outbreak.
You know your own child best, and whether a day off will help them or make things more difficult. According to Klapow and Mandal, some signs that your child may need a mental health day from school include:
- Seeming overwhelmed, stressed, worried, or anxious
- Dealing with changes at home, like divorce or a sick relative
- Acting more irritable and angry
- Experiencing bodily pains, like stomach pains and headaches
- Sleeping issues, like insomnia or waking up too early
- Being clingy at home
- Changing appetite
While some kids may need a full day off, other children might benefit from simply sleeping in and going to school a bit late, or taking a half day, says Klapow.
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How many mental health days can you take from school?
“Mental health days should be part of the equation for children,” says Soma Mandal, MD, of Summit Medical Group in Berkeley Heights, New Jersey. “It’s a good and quick way to give a child a break. Kids will also learn about taking care of themselves.”
Some states now include legislation that protects mental health days for students. Oregon allows five mental health days in a three month period, while Utah says that mental health and cold and flu symptoms are both permissible reasons for a day off of school. Maine, Illinois, Nevada, Colorado, Virginia, Arizona, Iowa, Kentucky, Missouri, Pennsylvania, and the District of Columbia have also introduced legislation to allow mental health days from school. Parents should notify schools if their child will be absent and help their child with any required catch-up work.
How to make mental health days for students count
Taking a mental health day from school can look different among students, depending on the age of the child and their reason for needing a day off. Klapow suggests that children not watch TV all day, or remain plugged in and isolated, but rather find connection in time spent together and rest.
Some suggestions for a meaningful mental health day include:
- Sleeping in and resting throughout the day
- Reading, playing with toys, or crafting
- Playing in the yard, or going for a walk, hike, or bike ride
- Spending quality time with a parent, sibling, grandparent, guardian, or pet
- Baking or doing something special with a family member
- Watching a movie or playing video games together, but not all day
“Mental health days are a day of mental rest,” Klapow explains. “If they are not giving your child the break they need, your child needs a more formal intervention provided by a mental health professional.”
One in 5 children and youth have an emotional, behavioral, or mental health disorder that is diagnosable, says the Armstrong Center for Medicine and Health. The good news is that after a diagnosis, there are effective treatments for most anxiety and depressive disorders from therapy to medication.
If you think that might be the case for your child, start by talking to the guidance counselor at the school. For additional resources, visit the National Alliance on Mental Health or call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration helpline at 1-800-662-HELP. If your child or anyone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit the nearest emergency room.
When is taking a mental health day not the answer?
Mental health days are valuable ways to manage stress, low moods, and anxiety, but they aren’t always the best option.
“If there are any struggles a child is having at school, avoidance by not going to school is not the answer,” says Dr. Mandal, who advises that parents, teachers, and students work together to address issues such as a test they feel unprepared for or schoolyard drama that they’re avoiding. You’re likely well-versed in recognizing when your child is faking sick to get out of going to school. Use those skills to help determine if kids really need the day off for a mental reprieve—or if they just don’t feel like working.
Klapow recommends that parents ensure they aren’t outwardly displaying their own stress and anxiety because children will feed off of their stress, which could introduce new worries to the student.
“Mental health days should be rare and should be driven by outward signs of distress, coupled with some precipitating situation,” Klapow advises.
Teaching your child to excel in school is important, but so is teaching them to manage their emotional health—and know when a reset is needed. If your child has a particularly hard week academically, experiences a trauma at home, or has a falling out with an important friend all that overwhelm can merit a day off to reset.
